Odd Officers

It is told of a Connecticut field officer, better acquainted with farming than soldiering, that when circumstances placed him in command of his regiment at Hatteras, he wished to oblique his column in marching, and gave the order, "Haw around that mud puddle." 

A correspondent writes that the Rebel Gen. Tropier, who abandoned Fernandina on the approach of our troops, has been presented by the Rebel ladies with a bottle of castor oil and a package of salts. 

Gen. Pope has publicly offered a reward of five cents for the return of Capt. Samuel Harrison of the 95^th regiment of New York volunteers, who lately left his company and came to New York. 

The Press of this city has a rumor that Gen. Sigel shot Gen. McDowell through the head on the battle field of Warrenton. The news comes from Baltimore. 

The will of the late General Lyon, United States Army, gives all his property, worth thirty thousand dollars, to the government of the United States. 

It is said that on one Sunday night after Stonewall Jackson took possession of Frederick, in Maryland, he attended the German Methodist Church. The minister saw who were among his auditors, but made bold, nevertheless, to pray for the President of the United States and the success of the federal army. Stonewall took no offense because he was sound asleep and heard not a word of what was said. 

Gen. Howard’s right arm was shattered by a ball during the recent battles, and was amputated below the elbow. While being borne on a litter, he met Gen. Kearney, who lost his left arm in Mexico. "I want to make a bargain with you, General," said Howard, "that hereafter we buy our gloves together". 

An exchange says that the rebel General Magruder drinks so much whiskey that if he were buried, corn and rye would sprout from the ground for a quarter of a mile in all directions from the grave. 

McClellan’s Creed - He that fights and recedes for a strategic reason, may live to fight for another season.

 The Louisville Journal charges Bishop Polk, of Louisiana, with disgracing himself by both swearing and getting drunk since he has taken to the profession of arms. 

A lieutenant in the 32^nd Illinois regiment, falling in with a charming rebel syren at Nashville, Tenn., became so infatuated that he some weeks ago deserted, and with the young lady escaped beyond the federal lines. The young lady was wealthy, and by the use of her money the pair managed to run the blockade at Charleston, and arrived in Havana last Christmas day, where they were married, and are now living, it is said, in happiness and elegance. 

Col. Van Valkenburg, of the 20^th Indiana, has been dismissed for sending $40 to a faro dealer in Columbus, Ohio, with a letter stating that it was the last he should receive of this "nigger administration", as they would steal the balance or run away with it. The letter was brought to Gov. Morton, who sent it to Washington. He had also been guilty of drawing servants rations, and then subsisting on them at company quarters.

John W. Howland, of Pittsfield, Mass., recently appointed Commissary of Subsistence in the army, has absconded with $16,500 of Government money, and a large amount of securities which were placed in his hands while acting as Division Quartermaster.

Counterfeit Colonels, Majors and other pretended officers have been arrested in Washington by the score. During the whole winter the hotels have been infested with these epauletted vagabonds. Large numbers have been sent to the guardhouse, stripped of their feathers and cut adrift.

The government is unfortunate in some of the appointments for spiritual aid to the army. The statement is made that a chaplain belonging to one of the volunteer regiments was arrested in the street Wednesday, while in a beastly state of intoxication. He was kept in the guard house all night, and released the next morning, so that he could perform divine service in his regiment. The morning services of that regiment must have been refreshing to those in the secret of the chaplain's bacchanalian reveries.

It is gravely suggested by a correspondent that Brig. Gen. Frank Spinola will find it necessary to abate some portion of his mammoth shirt collar on going into battle. Otherwise, with such a prominent display of white linen he will certainly be mistaken for a flag of truce.

When Kirby Smith was in Lexington he visited a Ladies Fair, where he was greeted with applause, to which he gave a curt reply that he was tired of cheers, he wanted recruits.

We see it stated that after Vicksburg surrendered one of the rebel officers, General Lee of South Carolina - in order to display his spirit, opened a vein in his arm and wrote his parole in blood.

Intelligence has just been received here that the rebel General Holmes died recently of delirium tremors.

Somebody said the other day that a stick thrown at a dog in front of a Washington hotel hit five Brigadier Generals!

Albert Pike, late a Brigadier General in the rebel army, and who resigned on account of obesity, is at present in retirement in Texas, and it is furthermore stated that he is now classed as being rather friendly to the old Union.

When Gen. Hooker had but a few men and little whiskey he was a good fighting man; but double increases was too much for him. In short had he used fewer horns he would have been a better Hooker.

Some of the military officers have four aides: promenade, serenade, lemonade and gasconade, and are still of little aid to the country.

A carriage just constructed at Bridgeport, Ct. for General Sickles, is built in the campaigning style of Napolean and cost $2,000.

A Charleston, S.C. paper claims that if Gen. Bragg were near the gates of Heaven and invited in, at the critical moment he would fall back.

A letter from the Army of the Potomac says that a few days since a private employed as a blacksmith at headquarters got drunk on his ration of whiskey and took occasion while in a pugilistic mood to approach Gen. Meade with a point blank challenge to single combat, asserverating in rigorous terms and in an expressive manner, his perfect confidence in his ability to vanquish the commander-in-chief or any other man, and insisting on the General to peel and defend himself. The General ordered the hydropathic treatment, and it proved effectual and soothing to the smithy.

When Gen. Morgan was on his recent visit to Richmond, he went into the "Libby" and there he met Gen. Neal Dow. Being introduced to the Yankee, the rebel General said, smilingly, "General Dow, I am very glad to see you here; or rather I should say, since you are here, I am happy to see you looking so well." Dow's natural astuteness and Yankee ingenuity came to his aid, and he quickly replied, without apparent embarrassment, "General Morgan, I congratulate you on your escape; I cannot say that I am glad that you did escape, but since you did, I am pleased to see you here." A good match these two.

An officer in a Maine regiment recently got a furlough on the ground that he would lose fifty thousand dollars if he did not go home. It seems that he was engaged to a young lady worth that sum, and the attractions of another fellow were proving disastrous to his "investment." The fair one had written to him that if he didn't come home right away she would marry the other man.

Capt. Gotlieb C. Rose, for aiding and promoting a duel, and Capt. Griebe for accepting one, both of the 6th Missouri Cavalry, have been cashiered.

At Somerville, Alabama last Thursday, Capt. Dobbs of an Indiana Regiment had been treating a black cruelly when the negro crept behind him with an axe and almost cut him off, killing him instantly.

Among the sayings attributed to Admiral Farragut is one that "you can no more make a sailor out of a landlubber by dressing him up in sea toggery and putting a commission in his pocket, than you could make a shoemaker of him by filling him with cherry cobbler!"

Gen. Bristow, commanding at Lynchburg, has been brought to Washington under arrest, charged with stealing $60,000 of Government funds. He was caught with the money on his person.

Davenport, Iowa was a good deal agitated over the attempt of a man to cut his throat and pull out the tongue of his wife at a hotel on Saturday. They were strangers and claimed to be from Iowa City. He had been a lieutenant in the 3rd Cavalry.

A person who saw John C. Breckinridge a few weeks ago says that his appearance is that of a person in the habit of consuming a vast quantity of bad whiskey. He was seedy and bloated, and his condition, so far as the observer could judge, was that of a person decidedly "played out."

They tell a good story of a Hoosier officer who, on receiving a note froma lady "requesting the pleasure of his company" at a party to be given at her house, on the evening designated, took his volunteers and marched them to the young lady's residence. When it was explained to him that it was himself alone who had been invited he said: "The letter said company and I thought the lady wanted to see all us boys."

The Rebel General Hindman was recently shot and killed in Texas by some of his own troops while going with a tobacco train to Mexico. Hindman was the dandy-looking chap who initiated the practice of poisoning wells and shooting Union prisoners. He was a Congressman before the war.

A western paper says that an Arkansas cavalry colonel mounts his men by the following:
First order - prepare fer ter git onto yer creeter!
Second order - git!

It is said that General Butler recently ordered a soldier to be whipped for going to the rear when he ordered him front. The poor soldier was innocent, for he went the way Ben was looking when he ordered him front.

Lieut. J_____n, late of the Sixteenth N.Y. Regiment was a few days ago walking down Main Street, Utica when he was accosted by a fellow, half-soldier, half beggar, with a most reverential military salute:
“God bless your honor,” said the man, whose accent betrayed him to be Irish, “and long life to you!”
“How do you know me?” said the lieutenant.
“Is it how do I know yer honor?” replied Pat. “Good right sure. I have to know the man who saved my life in battle.”
The lieutenant, highly gratified at this tribute to his valor, slid a fifty cent bill into his hand, and asked him when.
“God bless your honor, and long life to you” said the grateful veteran. “sure it was at Antietam, when seeing your honor run as fast as your legs could carry you from the rebels, I followed your lead and ran after you out of the way, whereby, under God, I saved my life. Oh, good luck to your honor, I never will forget you.”

Jeff Thompson – When this Swamp Fox general arrived at Pilot Knob after his capture he assured Gen. Fisk that the prospects of the Confederacy were never more brilliant. He expressed himself much dissatisfied with the people of southeast Missouri, in not remaining true to the rebel cause.
“Two years ago” said Jeff, “they were as plucky as need be. On my way up this time I whispered to them whenever I got a chance and told them to keep up good courage. I thought they would be all right, but d__n them, they had to take out their notebooks to see which oath of allegiance they took last!”

Bill Anderson, the notorious guerilla who was recently killed in Missouri, was accustomed to put those who wished to join his band to a severe test. On one occasion he spat in an applicant’s face. When the fellow knocked him down, Anderson arose, rubbed his temple, and said: “Swear him in boys, any man that will knock Bill Anderson down, surrounded by his men, will do for a member of our band.”

The Provost Marshal of Louisville and all his assistants have been arrested for kidnapping Negroes and selling them as substitutes.

Gen. E.A. Pain, lately commander in Paducah, Ky., has fled with his son to Illinois to avoid a trial for his misdeeds. He and certain friends of his robber the most loyal citizens, murdered in cold blood all who opposed them, and played the despot fearfully. Women as well as men were plundered and heartlessly outraged in the name of the Union.

An officer down in Georgia tells the following story:
One night Gen. ____ was out on the line, observed a light on the mountain opposite. Thinking it was a signal light of the enemy he remarked to his artillery officer that a hole could easily be put through it. Whereupon the officer, turning to the corporal in charge of the gun, said:
“Corporal, do you see that light?”
“Yes, sir.”
“put a hole through it”, ordered the captain.
The corporal sighted the gun and when all was ready he looked up and said:
“Captain, that’s the moon.”
“Don’t care for that” was the captain’s ready response, “put a hole through it anyhow.”

A Confederate surgeon who was beastly drunk when our forces captured Little Rock, Arkansas, found himself among the Yankees when he got sober and remarked that it beat Rip Van Winkle that a man couldn’t go to sleep in the Confederate States without waking up in the United States.

Col. S. W. Stryker, formerly commander of the Forty-Fourth (Ellsworth) Regiment, and well known in Troy, has been dishonorably discharged for appropriating bounties due colored cooks in his regiment.

About six months ago, while in the neighborhood of Dutch Gap Canal, Gen. Butler received information that his favorite horse, Almond Eye, had been accidentally killed by falling into a ravine. Upon the departure of the informant he ordered an Irishman to go and skin him.

“What! Is Almond Eye dead?” asked Pat.
“What is that to you? Do as I bid you and ask no questions.”
Pat went about his business and in an hour or two returned.
“Well Pat, where have you been all this time?”
“Skinning the horse, yer honor.”
“Does it take near two hours to perform such an operation?”
“No, yer honor; but thin ye see it took ‘bout half an hour to catch him.”
“Catch him! Fire and furies, was he alive?”
“Yes yer honor; and ye know I couldn’t skin him alive.”
“Skin him alive! Did you kill him?”
“To be sure I did! You know I always must obey orders without asking any questions.”
Gen. Butler eyed his servant with a malicious look that Pat thought he meditated skinning an Irishman in revenge for the death of his horse.

To a friend who recently rallied Gen. Grant about the suggestion of his name for the next Presidency he said: “I aspire only to one political office. When this war is over I mean to run for mayor of Galena (his place of residence) and if elected I intend to have the sidewalk fixed up between my house and the depot.”

When Bradley Johnston entered Frederick he directed his steps to his old dwelling where he and his family once resided. He found his old homestead occupied by a Northern man who had purchased it from the Government. He asked for the occupant who appeared and after a few pertinent inquiries Bradley informed him that he was the rightful owner of the house and at once demanded the rent of $1,400 at the rate of one hundred dollars per month - the man residing in it fourteen months. He gave the man thirty minutes to collect the rent, which was done. Bradley asked him if he wanted a receipt. The man said no and Bradley gave him two hours to move his goods out, which was done. The house was then set on fire and in a little while the house was a mass of ruins.

The rebel ex-general Roger A. Pryor, now a private soldier in the Confederate army was captured on Friday last by the 5^th Corp pickets of the Army of the Potomac while attempting to exchange papers with our pickets. This was done in retaliation for the recent capture of Captain Burbridge by the rebel pickets under similar circumstances. Pryor says that Gen. Lee issued an order for the return of Capt. Burbridge on Saturday and he will probably be returned as soon as that officer is sent back. Since the capture of Gen. Pryor, Capt. Burbridge has been dismissed from the army for disobeying the order forbidding the exchange of prisoners holding intercourse  with the enemy under any pretext whatever. Pryor has been brought to Washington and has been committed to Old Capital Prison.

Miss Major Pauline Cushman now engaged at the Boston Academy of Music announces every evening her willingness to lead a company of young men to the front. A few evenings since she read the names of those who responded to the call, among whom were four actors.

General Sherman is described by a captain as “A man who has a gaunt look – about as if he got hungry when a boy and never got over it. A nervous man, never quiet, pulling his whiskers or buttoning his coat, twisting a string or rubbing a finger – never quiet, but with a kind of look in his face that reminds one of a panther, if he gets angry – fiery, keen, powerful and a genius.”

A few months ago a high private of extraordinary dimensions lumbered into the presence of General Thomas and asked for a furlough, adding "General, I wish to go home and see my wife."
"How long is it since you have seen your wife?" inquired the General.
"Why" he answered, "I haven't seen my wife for over three months."
"Three months!" remarked Gen. Thomas, "three months, why I haven't seen my wife for three years!"
"Well, that may be" rejoined the other, " but you see General, me and my wife ain't o' that sort."
We have not heard whether the private was recipient of a furlough or not.

Army officers have become so brazen in Washington where any day they might be seen riding out in open barouches with parties of lewd women and afterwards escorting them to the theatre, that an order was issued this month to the city patrol authorizing them to arrest and imprison every officer found in any public place with any known courtesan.

While Lieut. Dodge of St. Louis was being united in wedlock on the 13th, to the daughter of Gen. Brown, the bride's dress and veil took fire and a scene of utmost confusion ensued. Fortunately the lady was not injured and the nuptials were concluded after some delay.

At a reception at the presidential mansion Wednesday evening, one of the guests present was Colonel Kendrick, one of the escaped Libby prisoners, to whom the President remarked that he (the Colonel, who is rather slim) was like himself, "well built for getting out through small holes."

A telegraphic dispatch says the commanding officer at Yorktown, Brigadier General J.J. Wistar, while on his way to visit Major General Butler, was taken suddenly ill with cramps and fever and suffered the most horrible pain. We take no satisfaction in human suffering, however little the victim may be entitled to sympathy. Gen. Wistar's treatment of sick New York soldiers when they lay dying for want of proper care, which it was his business to see they had, would make his present personal distress appear something like retribution.

On Saturday evening Col. William S. Fish of the First Connecticut Cavalry and late Provost Marshal of Baltimore, was delivered into custody of General Pilsbury at the penitentiary. He had been convicted by a general court martial at Washington of conduct prejudicial to good order and military discipline, using false accounts and vouchers for the purpose of obtaining approval of false claims against the United States. He was sentenced to be cashiered, to forfeit all pay and allowances due him, to be confined in the Albany Penitentiary one year and to pay $5,000, to be imprisoned until the same is paid.

Colonel Haynes, the warden of the Massachusetts State Prison, went to a masquerade ball in female dress last week and listened to and took part in the chat of the ladies dressing room without being discovered.

The Grand Jury of Orange County in session last week at Newburgh, New York, have found bills of indictment against Doctor Boyd, the examining surgeon in the Provost Marshal's headquarters, for branding Frederick Burzig and Thomas Andres, recruits for the army. The sufferers also propose to prosecute the surgeon in civil suit for the recovery of damages.

An officer advising his general to capture a post remarked "It will only cost a few men." "Well" said the general, "Will you make one of the few?"

Mr. Fishback, the newly elected United States Senator from Arkansas, according to the St. Louis papers, was a member of the Arkansas secession convention in 1861 and signed the Ordinance of Secession. Subsequently he raised two companies of rebel troops, joined the rebel army, and fought against Lyon at Wilson's Creek. Notwithstanding all this he was elected to the United States Senate.

A Lieutenant Colonel in one of the Illinois regiments tells a story of a general who had command of an army corps during the siege of Vicksburg. Constant complaints were made to him by citizens that their horses were stolen by soldiers. "Yes, yes" said the General, "this must be a queer army, when not engaged in hostilities they are in horse-stealities."

The death of the Rev. R. J. Humphrey, formerly a Methodist clergyman of Rock Island, is reported by the Agnus of that place. He was killed during a quarrel in a gambling saloon in New Orleans. Humphrey, thinking to better his station in life, had, early in the war, exchanged the Bible for the sword, and, assisting to raise a company of Illinois cavalry, was elected captain of the same. He became finally Lieutenant Colonel but in the end was court martialed and dismissed from the service for cowardice. His habits had become bad, his time being spent in drinking, gambling and in bad company. How true the old adage "Not all who point the way walk therein."

Gen. Terry was indebted to an accident for his fame. It is said he was at Gen. Grant's headquarters the day after the news of Butler's withdrawal from Fort Fisher had been received and in conversation with Gen. Grant said: "I think General Butler could have taken the fort." "Do you?" said Grant; "then go and take it yourself." And he was forthwith put in command of the expedition.

The oldest officer now in our army is Adjutant Peacocke whose commission bears the date March 31, 1782.

While Gen. Grant was on a train lately, a youthful book peddler traversed the cars crying, "Life of General Grant!" A mischievous aide pointed to the General's seat suggesting to the boy that "that man might like a copy." Gen. Grant turned over the pages of the book and casually asked "Who is this all about?" The boy, giving him a look of indignation and disgust, replied "You must be a darned greeny not to know General Grant." After this volley the Lieutenant General of course surrendered and bought his biography.

The War Department today issued its first commission to a negro field officer. The negro is the same whom Lord Brougham called ex-United States Minister Dallas' attention to at the International Congress at London. His commission recites that the President, reposing special trust and confidence in Morton R. Delany, has appointed him a major in a black regiment United States Colored Troops. He was immediately mustered in by the principal mustering officer of the district, and ordered off to South Carolina to report to Gen. Saxton. Major Delany was first employed as a recruiting agent for the 54th Massachusetts, by Major Geo. L. Stearns, and subsequently he raised the first Rhode Island negro heavy artillery, as well as some negro organizations for Connecticut. He is a native of Pennsylvania and has traveled extensively in Africa. His explorations there having been referred to at length in the Royal Geographical Society of London. He is a full blooded negro, with a flat nose and kinky hair, and is very proud of his unmixed African lineage.

The Panama Chronicle says that Gen. Sickles has come there to purchase land from the Columbian government on which to settle 30,000 emancipated negroes.

A singular case has come to light in Boston. A staff officer of the United States services stole $13,000 in government bonds and forwarded them to his mother in South Boston for safe keeping. A daughter-in-law of the mother discovered the money and stole it. Officers of the law stepped in and the money was found at last in the clothing of the daughter.

It is said that the only joke General Sherman ever perpetrated was upon entering the capital of North Carolina. Turning to a regiment of veterans who were marching by the State House he called out: "Don't you think this is a good place to sing Raleigh Round The Flag, boys?"

The Richmond Whig tells a story of the retreat of Hood's army from Tennessee. The General said to a veteran "We'll have better luck next time. There was a fair deal, but luck was against us." The soldier replied "It strikes me General them cards were decidedly badly shuffled."

I am credibly informed that while the army was besieging Savannah, and before it had opened communication, Gen. Blair went to Sherman's headquarters and said that he would have to attack the rebels immediately.
"What will you do that for?" inquired Sherman.
"Because", said Blair, "I am out of whiskey and cigars and I must open communication immediately".
The attack was made.

The Savannah Republican of the 7th contains an account of the murder of Capt. Easton of the 32nd U.S. Colored Troops at Augusta on the night of the 6th by three former members of three most respectable families of that place. It appears the captain was discovered in company with a mulatto girl who was the mistress of one of the young men and they all attacked him with their revolvers. One of the shots penetrating his neck and proving mortal. Not satisfied with this they fell on his prostrate body, cutting him with knives. The affair caused such excitement that there was great danger of a riot and threats were made of burning the city. His murderers were arrested and quiet was restored.

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